I have had such a hard time posting lately, I feel as though I am empty with words to be written. My creativity lake has shrunk to a little watering hole during the hot dry season. Inside there are lot of things yelling but when I sit down they become silent like a BYU fan during the Florida game, running and hiding.
I have tried to figure out what my problem is, there are too many to start making a list, but what is my problem? Why do I feel that I can not sit down and write. We had to talk in church again a couple of weeks ago and normally I can write my talk in a day and be happy, Oh I struggled with this one. It took me a week and I still feel that it was a sad piece of what I wanted to say.
I struggle right now trying to get the words out that I wanted to get out.
So I have self diagnosed my self, you ready, I have turrets, oh no sorry I mean I think that I am depressed. Nothing serious, I am not going to start talking to myself except, well except when that really nice lady appears while I am driving, in the backseat or sometimes the passenger seat, but never mind her she said that I should never tell anyone about her, and technically I am not talking to myself, right?
I did go to a Doctor because I was convinced I had Mono again, I was so tired could not sleep could not concentrate, my body ached everywhere all the time. I told him my symptoms and expected a nice little blood test with a solid confirmation so that I could be on my way, he looked at me and said you are depressed. I glanced at that strange women who followed me from the car and rolled my eyes. I explained to him that there was no way that I was depressed, I had a great healthy family, my husband has an excellent job I live in an area that I only ever dreamed about living in, I told him that my imaginary friend and I thought that he was crazy. He just shrugged his shoulder and handed me a pamphlet and told me to come back if I wanted to talk. I did read the pamphlet and was surprised that it described everything that I was feeling, even down to the 10 pounds that I have grudgingly put on since living here.
I have since been working hard to overcome the weight that was weighing me down, not the ten pounds, the sadness. I think I got low from a combo of just a crazy year, not eating right, and not trying and really missing old friends. This last month I have been trying really hard to lift myself up again. Everyday I see a faint glimmer of light shining through. I can feel every so often a little creativity bubbling inside. I have renewed my efforts to serve for that is when I feel free and light of any black sadness that slowly works it cold fingers in my mind.

It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

So this is my excuse people, I hope to post on a regular basis, not that anyone I think even reads my post anymore, but because I love to see how my family has progressed over the years.

One reason that I could be feeling low is the fact that we skipped right over fall and now are in winter, I am not kidding either, the leaves were just changing and now we get snow every other day, I guess this is not normal at all, but who really is having normal weather anymore? Just some pics outside of our house, for some reason they posted at the first.